Articles

The Week in Review!

Article posted on Sep 13, 2007 by Ian Lashbrook

 By: CaptainSuperhero

So, the new website brings us to the return of an old article. I present to you all the return of the often read and always controversial Week in Review. The plan at the moment is that this will pass from one member of the website's staff to another each month. I drew the short straw, which basically means I volunteered, so I get September. I'm going to cut this up into different sections: National, Various, and Music Related. Please, hold your hate mail until the end.

National News

In an unusual turn of events, the Iraqi war has been prolonged once again. It seems the Iraqi Security Force won't be ready for at least another 18 months. And in obvious tribute the police force of the United States, the national police force is so corrupted that it should be disbanded. "We've always recognized that this was a long-term project," Pentagon spokesman Geoff Morrell said last Wednesday. The Bush Administration remains baffled by this statement, as it disproves the "we will be greeted as liberators" theory. Although, rumor has it Dick Cheney hasn't ruled out the possibility of invading Iraq again now that we occupy it ... simply showing that history eventually proved him right.

Former Senator Fred Thompson announced his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States on "The Tonight Show" last Wednesday. Thompson is best remembered by most for his role as the District Attorney on the courtroom drama Law & Order. Senator Thompson has promised that if elected, outlawing abortion will be more than just lip service. In a related story, the last Traditional Conservative's head has exploded from wondering how the government interfering in people's day-to-day lives became part of his political ideology.

And finally, Republican Presidential Candidate Ron Paul has once again confused his own party. He has done this by claiming we should withdraw our troops from Iraq and that we shouldn't go to war without a declaration of war from Congress. His fellow candidates were confused by this sentiment because their party has spent the past eight years using the United States Constitution as toilet paper.

Music News

Mick Quinn, bassist for notable British rock act Supergrass, broke two vertebrae and smashed his heel in a fall from a ground floor window. Although early reports indicated that this occurred after a late night of hard drinking and drug consumption, it has be confirmed that Mick Quinn took the hugs not drugs approach to bodily injuries and did it while sleep walking.

A video on YouTube depicts P. Diddy buying drugs in a nightclub. Diddy's attorney has denied all allegations and said several times that P. Diddy isn't a drug user. Diddy has now admitted that he was simply purchasing a gram of the ashes of Keith Richard's late father.

And finally, closing arguments by the prosecution in the ongoing trial of Phil Spector - best known for his Wall of Sound production style - ended last Thursday. The prosecution has used testimony from Spector's limo driver, who has quoted Spector as saying "I think I killed somebody" after emerging from his mansion, gun in hand. If convicted, Spector faces a 15-year-to-life sentence with an additional ten years since there was a gun involved. It seems that Spector could have avoided this whole mess had he just heeded the words of one of the songs he is best know for producing when it comes to his gun ... "Let It Be."

Misc. News

In an attempt to show everyone how cool they really are, a student at Wright State University (where I attend school) decided to welcome everyone back with an anonymous bomb threat on Tuesday. If caught, authorities have threatened to send whoever is responsible back to high school where they belong.

Pope Benedict XVI spoke before a large youth rally this past Sunday in Loreto, Italy. His topic of choice was the environment. This was a change of pace from the youth rallies Benedict attended as a young boy where a short angry man with a moustache screamed about the evils of Judaism.

And finally, Whoopi Goldberg, during her debut on The View, defended the actions of Michael Vick. She did this by stating that he's from the Deep South and this is part of his cultural upbringing. Whoopi further stunned the audience of The View when she said the same of Klu Klux Klan members.

Disclaimer: Week In Review is meant purely for entertainment purposes and shouldn't be taken seriously by anyone in this or any other reality.